morning in the moment

I start posts constantly, but never finish them because I am waiting, searching for perfection. Funny how it constantly scurries off before I find it. Today, I will write and hit publish.

I am grateful. Those words seem simple and easy. We use them all the time. However, I am not sure we (or at least I) think or truly mean them.

Twice yesterday I was struck with the absolute realisation that I am grateful and that gratefulness had given back to me something I was missing. The circumstances are important but the specifics are not. My new job, new career has given to me skills, teachers and more. My co-workers are amazing. Their families are fantastic and I am beginning to feel slightly more whole. I have a (tiny) bit of confidence, that is constantly shot down, but it’s there! I feel fortunate and simply grateful. It struck me in a moment yesterday how I felt. And there was no guilt involved.

Then later on in the day I went for a mani/pedi (which I usually hate spending the time doing). I had no other plans, nothing pressing, no one waiting for me. As usual, I noticed everything around, sensory overload, the brain clicking away as it does for me. My pedicurist I thought was a bit slow and soft, but he also had a tattoo that I just couldn’t quite see or figure out. I was intriugued. Before I was finished, of course I opened up my curious mouth to ask 20 questions about him and yep, the tattoo! He chuckled a bit and said it was him…or what he thought he was in an earlier lifetime. The time I spent wondering about this man’s arm and this particular tattoo (he pretty much had two sleeves) put me through quite a few emotions. I felt intrigue, curiousity, wonder, fear, patriotism, political conviction and finally peace and possibly a vision of epiphany (his, not mine). I also saw and felt his slow and soft was simply gentle and a matter of him staying in the moment, taking the time to be completely present.

We all have a vision of who and what we think ourselves to be. Sometimes we choose to believe it is a forever us. Is it? Most likely not. However, I know I could not have told younger self all I would go through. I know I would make all the same choices, some may say mistakes. For me they are who I am. The good, the bad, and everything in between led me to who I am today – imperfect and really, truly grateful.

I appreciate things I didn’t realise and too many to thank or recognise. I’ve tried to be mindful of my appreciation in the past 6 years especially. I’ve done the journal thing (didn’t work). I’m not sure exactly how or what switched on or off yesterday, but it did. I am so grateful and it is sincere. It really comes down to “thank you,” two far more powerful words than most of us realise.

Published by KLS

Hi, I'm Kristen. Who am I? There are too many labels to apply, but none that define me. I'm a woman, searching for meaning in the world and find that I'm never satisfied. I have far too many interests than I cannot possibly bundle them together in a single neat package. If you came here looking for an expert, go away. If you want to experience a myriad of topics, interests, and opinions you believe have nothing in common, you are home.

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